CALIFORNIA

wednesday, june 26, 2013

DAY 5

i was hoping that jenni would be "up" for this day!

it was a day i had long been waiting for!

i was signed up to work along side her at the food bank.  :) 

it was the hottest day i was in CA!

everyone was complaining around me.

and.... i hadn't even broken a sweat!  :)

we carried tables out of  storage and set them up.....

followed by lots of canned and boxed goods. 

folks began lining up.  

prayers were prayed thru a megaphone.

then

numbers were given out and called to come thru the line.

i was a bit worried about jenni.

she seemed to operate on 2 hr. shifts....

before she sank and needed  sleep.  

she was a trooper though!

 after class, ryan surprised us by dropping in and taking our pictures.  :)

i was in charge of handing out fresh strawberries.  

jenni....corn-on-the-cob and artichokes (of which not many people wanted).  :Q

 she seems to come to life when serving!  <3

my favorite part of the day:

one of the women, going thru the line, said she was sad because 

the worker who usually sings over her

wasn't there that day.

she missed her song!

jenni said, "i'll give you a word!"  

she broke out singing AMAZING GRACE!

(how i love my unashamedly, free girl...who has become so uninhibited!  

set free......with nothing to lose!)

the woman walked away...singing along....

as well as a chorus of others all joining in!  

you may have seen tears in my eyes.  ;)

we left our shift at 1:00.

jenni was done! 

she's given her all!   

and needed rest!

around 3:00, we headed out to CVS for a new anxiety medication that the dr. had prescribed.

jenni had become extremely annoyed, irritable, and buggy.  

(pretty impossible to live with)

of course, we'd come to know this is NOT our jenni....

but a result of some med changes.

once again.  

UGH!!!!  

although she is not allowed to drive,

she humored herself by pulling her car out of the garage.  <3

after CVS, we drove to super king again.

i loved that store!

(and the cool cars parked in front of it!)  

ryan grilled hot dogs around the pool for supper.  

a treat they don't often get.  ;)

another student joined us.  

this little community of living is awesomely amazing!  

i can't even begin to imagine how jenni feels on all these meds.

and....

the side effects of all these meds! 

it's like an constant wheel to which there seems no end.  

one thing!

i KNOW she felt MISERABLE!!!!!!

at night, she came to my bed and apologized for being so mean.

oh, my, dear jenni!

there was no need to apologize!  

i knew it was something she could not help!  

my heart hurt.....  

 beyond description! 

there are no words!   

CALIFORNIA

tuesday, june 25, 2013

DAY 4

after ryan left for class, 

i went to see how jenni was doing....

taking her a banana and the peanut butter jar:  her breakfast.

she had a horrible night of no sleep.  :(

she kept saying that she didn't feel quite right.  :(

we've all come to know this phrase as a warning.  

it was a gorgeous, warm day! 

ever since i saw her courtyard pool,

it beckoned me.  

jenni spent the majority of her pool time texting and communicating with her dr. about meds...

and what was happening to her. 

texting was getting her no where

 so she eventually called.....

TRYING to explain what was going on with her.  UGH!  

(where do you start?)   

i ashamedly post this picture, which literally looks like i'm dead.  

YES!  i fell asleep.

jenni took this picture...and showed it to me when i woke up.

we got such a big laugh out of it

that we decided to text it to family

knowing it would be funny for them also!    

shortly after, 

we had a group text going..... 

with these imitations of me!    :D

we ALL had  some much-needed laughs out of this!  

(jess and tim's picture came in too late to add.) 

the water refreshed jenni's spirits for awhile.

it was a day of relaxing around the pool.

aside from carrying the turmoil that was happening within jenni,

i enjoyed myself tremendously.

it was the first time in years that i played in the water and swam.  

it felt amazing!  

after a day of intense studying, ryan took a run...then a swim.

we ate supper.

because our internet was down,

we walked to the library with ryan

so he could study.  

jenni and i took the elevator to the top floor.

she wanted to show me  the whole floor of korean books.

it was amazing!  

and newspapers!  

we stepped out onto a deck from the library

into the gorgeous night...

and viewed the city.

it was beautiful!  

while we waited for ryan,

we humored ourselves with pictures.  :)

and played on our iphones.  

then....

we decided to join him.  

jenni had 2 more mini seizures as we left the library.

she was NOT feeling right!  

laying down to sleep, i asked the question to my Father once again....

"you got her, GOD?  right?"  

JESUS....COME!    

CALIFORNIA

monday, june 24, 2013

DAY 3

in order to get his allotted classes in on time, ryan had taken some very intense classes this summer.  today started another such class.  

classroom time was from 8-11:30 a.m.  

the rest of his day was spent reading.  

SO much reading.  

jenni and i had a long leisure morning of talking and 

looking at all her wonderful cards she received during her hospital stay. 

after class, ryan borrowed a friend's bike for me to ride.  

he so kindly greased and tightened parts....and aired the tires....   

and took a couple pictures of us

before  we were off to target.  :)

i followed the one who knew the way.  :)

i don't think i had ever passed by this campus avenue without exclaiming how beautiful it was!

i told jenni i needed a picture of her.  

 here. 

 :)

on we rode...toward famous colorado blvd....

only a couple blocks from their apartment.  

what a wonderful location they live in!  <3

i liked the hawaiian flowers painted on this street.  

passing lots of sidewalk dining.....

and....arriving at our destination.

  

i can now take "riding bike to target"  off my bucket list:  

 :)

and...of course.....

more photos for memories sake.  

these would have to last me for quite a while!  

we locked our bikes.....  

yet another new experience for me!  :)

(bare with me...but it's all uncharted ground.  and exciting!   

we mosied around in the store having fun.

we tried out some chairs......

because we felt like sitting.  ;)

it's really critical that jenni eats on schedule.

i knew it was getting late

so i got a personal pan pizza.

we sat outside and shared it before riding home.  

within a couple blocks, 

i saw jenni slow down and then stop.

apparently, she KNEW she didn't feel right.  

as i pulled up beside her, i asked if she was OK?

immediately, i saw something was wrong.

i tried to hold her....but her dead weight slumped gradually to the ground....

her legs tangled underneath her bike.  

i hurriedly parked my bike

and lifted her bike off her.

i held her and assured her she was OK...

 for what seemed a lot longer than the minutes it actually was.

these mini seizures leave her extremely frightened and anxious  

when she comes out of them. 

she tells me that her brain wants to just get out of the "place" she's in.  :(

she ALWAYS wants to run 

 from where she's at

whenever this happens.  

she insisted on going home. 

 immediately.

i insisted that we sit and rest for awhile. 

she angrily said, "i just wanna go home!"
  

i can't imagine the frustration and anger she feels

in battling this horrible disease of epilepsy!  

after a short while,

she thought she could ride home.

i was hoping. 

she's a trooper!

i'm sure, for my benefit, she stopped by the campus prayer chapel

when i noticed how beautiful it was.  <3

or....

perhaps she knew she needed  prayer.  

we parked our bikes and walked into the solace.  

as i walked around, i prayed out loud the fitting prayers on the wall over my sweet jenni.....

my dear one,  who was SO hurting at this moment.  

once again..... broken in spirit

 once again.....hope deferred.    

how i ache with her!  and grieve!  

my jenni.....

who continues to smile

and

trudge on

in this bottomless pit of affliction and agony.  

i know there was nothing more that jenni wanted than to succumb to her bed

wrestling, yet again, with what had just  happened.

but....

there was free food to comment on

and a dear friend we ran into that i HAD to meet.  

inside her apartment door, she let down the facade.

she collapsed on her place of refuge.  

bed!  

she was exhausted.....  

bruised and hurting from the fall.  

in my room,

my heart broke once again for my dear girl.

she tries hard.

but i see how hard it is for her to enter life

going on.... "as usual".

HER LIFE QUIT ON HER! 

nothing brings her pleasure for long.

the cry of her heart,

ALL she wants,

is to touch the hem of HIS garment

and be healed!  

EVERYTHING else is folly!  

every moment, living in this crisis-mode

has completely worn her out.

THEM out!  

ryan is in this as much as jenni!  

around 8:30-9:00 ryan made supper for her.

she needed to eat.  

as i laid down to sleep,

this old song of my youth came to mind. 

i could nearly hear skeeter davis bellowing out the words:

• why does the sun go on shining?
• why does the sea rush to shore?
• don't they know it's the end of the world?
• 
  
• why do the birds go on singing?
• why do the stars glow above?
• don't they know it's the end of the world?
• 
  
• i wake up in the morning and i wonder
• why every thing's the same as it was
• i can't understand, no, i can't understand
• how life goes on the way it does!
• 
  
• why does my heart go on beating?
• why do these eyes of mine cry?
• don't they know it's the end of the world?  

CALIFORNIA

sunday, june 23, 2013

DAY 2

we left home around 9:45 for the 10:00 service at pasadena christian center.
i was excited to visit their church...held in a beautiful old theatre.

the lead pastor, james north, was a wild, crazy, slightly hyper guy.

i liked his dramatic, arm-flinging stories.  

afterward, i was blessed to meet some of the sweet people surrounding jen and ryan.

several couples hovered jen to pray for her....

knowing of her daily struggles.  

their compassionate hearts made me cry.  

afterward, ryan took me on a little tour of some sections of this beautiful town 

that i was quickly coming to love.  

we made our tour of grocery stores...

picking up some food.

i was particularly impressed with super king.

the produce was super cheap and absolutely amazing!

  

i had never heard of this vegetable until jericho and mark introduced it to me....

so i took this picture for them.  :)

i went a little crazy with these gynormous grapefruits...2 for $1.

yes.  please!  

we went home and ate.  

i could hardly wait to pull out her birthday present and some goodwill surprises.  

and....a special pair of sandals that ryan's mother sent along.  

right then and there, we had a little photo shoot....

wearing the goodies.  

while sipping on a smoothie.  :)

i could tell that jen was sinking.

we took naps.

later on, we all packed lunches for ourselves.

and took a walk. 

i became acutely aware of the great privilege it was 

for ryan to study here.

it was cold enough for jenni to wear her new birthday gift:

a faux leather jacket.  :) 

we walked about 1 mile to colorado blvd.  

and...

 sat outside at a starbucks and ate our packed lunches.  

ryan bought us all a hot peppermint tea.  

i loved the chilly evening...after a warm sunny day!  

the more i saw, the more i liked.  

we walked thru the old capital on the way back....

right next to the campus.  

it was gorgeous! 

jenni sat on my bed and talked for about 1/2 hr. when we got home....

until her meds kicked in.  

and this blessed day comes to an end.....